


Stripping Spencer

by Jacinta



Series: Things Spencer Probaby Isn't and Stories Spencer Probably Won't Tell [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen, Happy Ending, It's briefly discussed, Past Underage, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Surprises, past dub-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-14 01:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1247821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacinta/pseuds/Jacinta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A rare night out with the team (minus Spencer but plus Hotch and Rossi) leads to a startling discovery. The team gets the full story and several people regret checking out Dr Reid's ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stripping Spencer

It was a joke. That's all. Just a bit of a laugh thought up after a few drinks and a lot of dancing. The idea had been to have a little fun and give the guys a momentary freak out. Really, just to laugh at their reactions, that was the main intent.

The idea was a strip club, the kind with men stripping instead of women. None of the women really cared who broached the idea, they all agreed it could only get funnier if a certain genius hadn't begged off a night out. Still, Hotch and Rossi had agreed unusually, so the plan was go.

It proved easy to distract them long enough to walk in, the realisation hitting even as they were guided to the bar by the women. Hotch actually blushed, turning to Garcia as the likely suspect. Rossi laughed and said he preferred women but he would stay for them. Morgan winced and turned to Garcia in a silent plea of 'why?' which went unanswered. Hotch was somehow talked into not bolting so they ordered drinks and the girls appreciatively eyed the dancers, not really paying much attention. The guys just carried on with conversation, finding seats and letting the ladies shield them a little so they could pretend they weren’t getting distracted. Morgan was at least glad that they chose a fairly upscale place, or at least as upscale as a strip club could be. Both he and Hotch were starting to wish they were drinking tonight instead of driving.

"Its open pole night!" Garcia squealed reading the poster on the wall. "They open a pole to the public. My hot chocolate should totally shake his thing!" She decided excitedly. Morgan looked up in horror and Rossi came to the rescue.

"If he does then I will." Rossi threatened and was gratified that all three considered it for a moment.

"No." Hotch said and that idea went flying out the window at his interruption, Rossi was glad because he didn’t really want to dance and he suspected Hotch would never be able to forget if he did, it would be burned in his memory alongside the worse cases.

"Ah well. If we got you two up then we'd have to try for Hotch as well." JJ smirked and Blake laughed. "It's not that hard to imagine." JJ teased making her gasp.

"I was thinking of Reid." She forced out and Rossi snorted partly terrified by the idea. The kid would probably trip and somehow land on the audience.

"That has potential." Garcia informed them and Hotch wondered why he ever went out with these people.

"Garcia." He admonished.

"Oh look, that one in the mask!" Garcia squealed again and grabbing the nearest hand in a death grip, Rossi made a pace to convey how hard that woman could grip, and she had nails. "Similar body type. You can see what I meant by potential." She said and everyone leaned to see.

The man she was pointing at was thin, pale and tall like Reid but more muscled than him. Plus he strut down the stage in heals and not a huge amount of clothing, that kind of assured them that despite the physical similarities it was not Reid. Reid wouldn’t wear that. As he got closer they saw he was wearing thigh high boots and very tight pants with an old fashioned white shirt with a vest. Okay so Blake admitted to herself that if he was forced into stripping he would choose something like that, either that or play on his appearance of innocence.

 

He bowed as he was introduced as Toby MacKavoy. He was clearly a crowd favourite and he ripped off the lower half of his mask before the music started and he took to the pole as it did. Even the guys had to admit he was good, teasing without obviously holding back, a good dancer and clearly comfortable.

"Garcia, we should bring Reid." JJ decided and the two women nodded decisively, it would be funny to watch his reaction and maybe if they got him drunk enough he would dance.

"That is even better than I imagined." Garcia was almost drooling as they watched him dance and rip the shirt off without upsetting the vest, Garcia loved stripper clothing and how it could do that.

"That shouldn't be as hot as it is." Blake said. The guys winced as he did the splits sideways. He was certainly flexible, and very practiced as he performed moves that required significant strength and experience.

"Private dance?" Garcia suggested and JJ made a sound of agreement while Blake pulled out a few notes. They studied the man as he danced and as the song wound down he let the vest fall down into his hand and strut off the stage.

The man disappeared for a minute, probably getting a drink and catching his breath. When he came back out he moved in their direction, intending to use the pole nearest the entrance. Garcia and JJ waved him over but he ignored them.

"Maybe he didn't see us." Blake said reasonably. So the two women moved over to the small stage he had claimed and asked for a private dance.

"I don't do groups." He used a fake accent, a good one but still fake. Disappointed they returned and he immediately followed a woman back to a mixed group of eight.

"Liar!" Garcia fumed.

"Relax, we'll ask him when he's finished." JJ soothed. "Blake can get answers." That settled the problem for a few minutes and they got a second round of drinks. Then Toby returned to his little stage and Blake walked over.

"Hey, could I get a dance?" she asked and he slowed his movements to talk to her.

"I cannot, you are a cop. The stars would be upset." He used a fake accent and she frowned, he was keeping his posture inviting but his tone pleaded for her to leave.

"We don't want them." She tried playing dumb.

"You don't always get what you want." He informed her and the bar tender came over. He was a bigger guy, probably could double as a bouncer when necessary.

"Toby why are you refusing this group?" He demanded angrily and Toby tightened his hand around the pole in anger but kept it out of the tender’s view.

"They're cops. Probably feds." He whined and Blake narrowed her eyes at him, there was no way to pin them as feds, even Hotch had somehow lost the look.

"I don't care if it’s the president. They can pay so you dance, you may be one of our best dancers and I do grant you concessions but you cannot refuse every third fucking customer." He growled and Toby leant down to whisper something and the other man sighed.

"Right sorry. Look lady, you'll have to find someone else." He spread his hands.

"Are you high?" Blake asked and the dancer shook his head as though personally offended. "Then why won't you dance for us? I'll leave but I would like an answer at least." She demanded.

"I have been troubled by cops I've danced for before." He offered and Blake immediately could tell it was a lie, or at least not the real reason.

"Can you tell that to my friends? I don't think they'd believe me." She lied and Toby obviously could tell but the bar tender stared him down until he meekly followed Blake back to the others, he fidgeting the whole way and was looking around for an escape.

"Oh my god he's hotter up close!" Garcia clapped and Blake signalled for him to sit before placing her hands on his shoulders.

"Now how about the real reason? Who are you?" She demanded. "Last chance to tell me or I'll take your mask off." She threatened.

"Please miss, this is a terrible misunderstanding!" He squeaked. She curled fingers under the fabric and he brought a hand up to make her wait, sighing in defeat.

"Dammit, I hoped you would just consider me rude and leave. This is so awkward." he kept the accent but it faded out on the last sentence and he closed his eyes before letting her take off the mask. They all gasped in shock. It was Spencer Reid.

"The hell?" Rossi spoke first.

"I would like to know the same thing. Why did you come here?" Reid asked normally, covering his lap and blushing awkwardly like they would expect if he was somehow gotten into the clothes.

"We wanted to see their faces. Why are you here?" Blake demanded.

"I work here." Reid pointed out.

"Explain." Hotch barked.

"Look, my shift finishes at midnight. Can we talk then?" He asked and they nodded, they would need the time to process.

"How about we go to my place? I have enough beds for everyone and go bags are in the cars still." Rossi suggested knowing this would be a long story.

"Great. Do you still want that dance?" Reid asked and Garcia nodded but everyone else shook their heads. "In that case I'm being waved over by a bachelorette party, try not to stare too much." He asked and tied his mask back on, walking over and kissing the hand of what must be the bride to be.

"I need a shower. I just spent extended time checking out Reid's body." Blake decided. "I feel like I just walked in on my brother masturbating."

"I need brain bleach." Morgan groaned.

"He has a fantastic ass." JJ added shocked. They stayed the hour till midnight watching Reid out of the corner of their eyes so not to creep other patrons out. From what they could see quite a few extra bills were slipped into his pants and boots over the hour. It was impossible to deny that he was good at this, he knew how to use his body and they could see the difference in how he danced for different groups.

He was flirty but respectful with the wedding party, teasing the other women while keeping his focus on the bride even though he touched her least. The next person to call him over was a single male and Reid was more aggressive, and more sexual. He tailored his dancing to each person and the team could tell he was profiling them all, he even spoke to one lady and ended up slow dancing of all things. She left soon after crying happily.

It was all very confusing.

 

Midnight came and Rossi was sent to make sure Reid didn't sneak out the back. He watched in amazement as Reid counted the money and set aside a bit for the manager before stepping into a shower for a minute. When he finished drying himself he dressed quickly and pocketed the cash. He also put the mask back on.

"So when am I being interrogated?" He asked startling Rossi who hadn't thought the man knew he was there.

"Either now or in the morning depending on if anyone falls asleep or is sick on the way." Rossi explained and Reid nodded.

"Do me a favour? Make it look like I don't know you and you've managed to convince me for more. I like to keep the others talking." Reid whispered and Rossi figured he'd checked out the ass, why not touch it too? He slid an arm around Reid's waist and started explaining that they wanted him all night.

"Play along." Rossi hissed when they returned to the group and Garcia squealed attracting attention.

"Oh we are going to have fun with you!" She grinned wickedly and they walked out before giggling.

"Oh that will confuse them." Reid smiled as he took off the mask. "James will obsess for weeks over that, payback is so much fun."

"Toby?" Morgan asked.

"He taught me everything I know regarding dancing." Reid explained and a driving debate started up because after the shock Morgan had drunk too much and that left Reid to drive one car and Hotch the other.

 

Eventually they made it to Rossi's place without injury. Everyone fell onto the couches, they would normally have been in bed asleep by now, thankfully their jobs made them extremely reasonable for tired people. Spencer took a lone armchair and everyone turned to face him.

"I suppose you have questions." Reid opened the conversation.

"When did you start stripping?" Hotch asked taking lead as they usually let him.

"Eighteen." He answered and Morgan made a sound that he would forever deny was a whimper.

"When did you really start?" He asked sadly looking at the man who shrank slightly at that question, looking at his questioner sadly.

"Fifteen, but you really didn't want to know that. I wasn’t forced or coerced into it." Reid offered gently.

"Why?" Rossi asked. "You already had a PhD, why strip for money?"

"I started learning to pole dance when I was thirteen. Simply put it paid the most for minimal time and effort." Reid shrugged. "I had to work and no where but science labs wanted me. I didn't want to work my ass off for a pittance and delayed degrees so I found something I was good at, paid well and allowed me to keep studying." He smiled sheepishly.

"Why did you learn? Who is Toby?" JJ demanded unhappily.

"Toby was my roommate and originally it was our form of yoga, we’d practice in the morning before class. I became more agile and could run further to escape. It also gave me enough strength to fight off weaker attackers." Reid spoke of avoiding beatings far to acceptingly for their comfort.

"So why did you fail at the academy?" Rossi asked bluntly and Morgan winced.

"I hate violence and I get too anxious to fight unless there is actually danger. Also, those type of situations are always used to hurt me where I can't fight back." Reid shrugged. “All I can focus on is not getting hit in classes and tests which isn’t the point.”

"Okay. What sort of club did you work at when you started?" Blake asked.

"One with a fairly even audience. I didn't permit the owner to whore me or any other unwilling dancers out if that's your concern." Reid replied gently and Morgan narrowed his eyes.

"How many underage dancers where there?" He demanded.

"Not totally sure, there wasn't anyone over twenty five, most were eighteen or nineteen I think, it’s hard to tell because not one of us admitted to being under eighteen even when it was obvious." Reid shrugged and shifted in the chair knowing he'd given more away than he had wanted to. Again.

"A club like that would attract certain kinds of people. What was the clientele like?" Hotch asked gently and that was the worst bit. Reid wanted to scream at that, who gave them the right to assume what sort of things he'd been through, why did they have to assume he was a victim? He always had alternatives and he made mistakes but he always did his best to fix them afterwards.

"If you’re asking about ebeophiles and hebeophiles then yes, there were quite a few. We knew the difference between those that wanted a dance and those that wanted to rape and kill us, and we warned each other of them. Did that mean I never attracted the wrong sort? This is me, of course I did but I bribed a cop to deal with them legally and if that didn't work the bouncer dealt with it illegally." Reid explained without a single tell if he was lying.

"Bribed a cop?" Morgan asked surprised at the balls that took for a kid. “I’m impressed kid, it’d be difficult to do.”

"Yeah. I gave him private dances when he dealt with someone for me. He also got recognition for catching child abusers and got to add porn to his library in return for making sure leads never led to me or the club." Reid sneered at his memory of the man. "Creep. A few years ago he lost his job after an officer found evidence in his home following a 911 call while he was on holiday." Reid smiled at that. He had played the man perfectly, so perfectly that he couldn't be hurt even if the man told.

"Wait. What did you do?" Garcia asked excitedly, sometimes she felt bad for who she'd been before the FBI so having someone else slightly criminal would be nice.

"I did nothing. Someone broke into his house while he was on holidays and his partner found lots of child pornography lying around and a few trophies. I knew the bastard stole my favorite scarf but I couldn’t confront him over it. Apparently it was teenagers because everything was returned with an apology. They left a note explaining they were drunk and that they'd never do anything that stupid again, the police left it because they had bigger problems." Reid smirked and they all knew it had been him but he'd never admit.

"How do you know so much detail them?" Rossi teased. It was technically wrong but Reid had done what he could without risking himself. It wasn't exactly vigilante action but simply drawing attention to someone bad.

"I saw he was on trial and red the files." Reid offered innocently. "Of course I had to threaten him to never mention my name or give me away but overall it was nice to see him go to jail."

"What did he do? Child porn from a cop is serious but that would make him very willing to deal." JJ pointed out.

"They found out that he solicited teenage boys from a local club and would molest if not rape them." Reid admitted and Morgan totally whimpered at that.

"Pretty boy, tell me he didn't." Morgan couldn't say it, not about Reid.

"Oh please, you think I would let him continue raping kids if I had know? I was young and still a little stupid. When he said it was just me I believed him and I never let him go that far with me. I should have seen it but I didn't want to and so I didn't, I dealt with my guilt." Reid said stubbornly and Morgan felt his heart swell with pride.

"I'm proud of you." He said and Hotch elbowed Rossi to stay quiet. "You didn't let him destroy you and you put him away before he could hurt someone else, who he hurt before you or even with you isn't the same. You could have done what I did but instead you stopped him." Morgan smiled.

"He hurt other boys after I left, they were all like me. Not physically though I fit his preference, that wasn't what attracted him. His thing was how we reacted. His favourites would pretend to be confident until he had them alone, then they would be scared but do what he says because they need what he offers in exchange. They would start to tremble when he touched them and fight when he went further. He hated begging and he would only rape if they went to far out of that pattern." Reid delivered it like any profile, as though he didn't fit the victim profile from experience.

"So he touched you." Blake said sadly and Reid gulped and nodded.

"Yes. But I've always been good at reading people so I knew how he wanted me to react and how to make him stop." Reid said quickly, sinking back into his normal awkward demeanor. “I never bothered to stop him though, I know I should have but I never even tried to make him stop touching me.”

"So Toby, did he only teach you the dancing or did he teach the stripping too?" Garcia asked knowing that he needed to change subject and he smiled gratefully.

"Just the dancing but he'd practice and occasionally he'd ask me to tell him how it looked." Reid smiled. "The idiot managed to knock himself out before he started making sure I was there."

"You sound like you were good friends." Hotch said giving Reid a break before they asked more questions.

"Yeah. Considering we were the youngest on campus we looked after each other a lot, he was sixteen when we met. Then he went and turned eighteen and despite a two year relationship it was suddenly immoral." Reid pouted.

"You were together?" Blake asked shocked.

"Until he turned eighteen. There's only so many times you can walk in on your hot roommate, because he doesn't comprehend that doors lock, before you give up pretending your straight." He smiled. "Two teenage boys living together with no friends? We were rabbits. We got so many noise complaints that our neighbours broke in and sound proofed our room as a prank." Reid smirked and Morgan laughed.

"So why'd you let up think you were a virgin?" Morgan asked with a smile.

"I didn't want to damage your ego." he teased and Morgan put a hand to his chest as though looking for blood.

"Shots fired!" JJ and Garcia giggled.

"Well, you wouldn't have taken knowing that it took me a total of three months of living with him to suck his dick instead of walking out awkwardly." Reid was still smirking and Garcia cheered before realising how old that would make him. "I wasn't ready to have sex but he taught me to accept my body and waited until I was ready." Reid dropped the smirk and looked at them angelicly.

"That look gives me nightmares." Rossi informed them.

"There's a hell of a lot you can do without anal penetration for one partner." He informed them. "In fact there are-"

"No!" Blake yelled and Morgan echoed.

"Please do not give us more information. I don't really want to think about a teenage you and sex." Morgan pleaded.

"It's like thinking of my brother." Blake added with a shudder.

"Okay. Any other questions?" He asked mischievously.

"Why did you continue after you started working here?" Hotch asked curiously. "Strictly speaking its not against the rules and I assume you work in a safe place but it could get you into trouble."

"As you said there is nothing wrong with it, and I've never told anyone precisely because it could cause trouble. I mostly send the money to mum so she can get books and stuff but I could afford that on my salary anyway. So I would have to say fun." Reid shrugged.

"What's so fun about it?" Morgan asked confused.

"It's basically the same thing you do in clubs just I have no intention of sleeping with them. I profile what they want and I give it to them, it's satisfying but it also is my outlet like Garcia and theater, Morgan and his houses."

"I don't get it." Morgan complained.

"I don't get how hitting things helps." Reid retorted with a smile to show he wasn't mad, just pointing out he didn't have to understand to accept.

"I would like to understand." Hotch said and Reid sighed.

"I'm a chameleon, I can't help it. Dad noticed that I would be different based on who I perceived to be in charge and he hated that mum was the bigger influence on me, and the only constant one." Reid explained.

"But we haven't seen you do that." JJ pointed out and Reid smiled.

"At first I got stuck in what Gideon wanted me to be, it had been so long since I had a steady figure to look up to in my life, but then he left and I started changing. Except I couldn't say who I was reflecting. Then Garcia joined and I realised it was me, or at least what had been me when I was young. Gideon came back and left again and I began to selectively reflect you." Reid smiled.

"That explains the haircut and fashion change." JJ giggled.

"Just be glade I didn't let Garcia be my influence there." He teased. "Anyway, the more defined I got the easier it became to identify traits I had picked up from others and the easier I could choose what to accept. I could also find traits that I developed on my own."

"Why let others change who you are?" Rossi asked.

"That's who I am. Just instead of being what Hotch wants me to be and only that I take what I like from that image and mix it with everything else." Reid shrugged. "Now that you know you'll probably spot each other in how I behave."

"Just don't dirty talk with Garcia, it's weird enough with Morgan." Blake chuckled at the idea and Garcia got that scary twinkle in her eye.

"So how does this relate to the continuation of you tearing your clothes off for money shoved into your pants?" Rossi asked bluntly.

"It's gratifying to be able to find traits and know that I'm not like that because someone wants me to be. However I like to get out of my own head for a bit. Plus its great practice, not just for profiling but also for acting. For getting information out of people, for manipulating unsubs and officials, for soothing the way with LEOs." Reid shrugged. "You've never noticed me doing it, or at least, you've never commented."

"Huh. So when you dance you get a mental workout, a physical one and it relaxes you. That's multi tasking to the extreme." Garcia smiled.

"Oh (translate to French) chère dame douce vous n'avez aucune idée. Je n'ai jamais vu ce que vous souhaitez jusqu'à ce soir et j'ai été privé de ces visions douces parce que par mon ignorance. Vous, Madame, êtes le bonheur plutôt que de l'ignorance." He crooned and she blushed.

"Wow. Its different when you do it, with Morgan it's casual but that." Garcia shook her head unsure of what that had been.

"That was a promise wrapped in admiration and desire." Blake said.

“That was bordering worship.” Rossi said. “Forgetting to speak English always means you have successfully impeded brain function.”

"Exactly. It's what she wants with my own twist. I just do that with each person, only I let myself almost completely conform to what they want instead of just brushing the surface." He explained.

"Well I see why your a crowd favourite." Garcia offered still recovering from another look at hot Reid.

"I always knew you were a natural pattern reader but I didn't realise it was so extreme." Hotch mused.

"Gideon theorized that I developed it to both look after mum and avoid bullies but apparently mum and dad noticed about the same time as they noticed I could read. I didn't always understand that it could be dangerous to be what people wanted, Michaels is proof of that." Reid grimaced and everyone remembered the case and grimaced with him, his mother’s overreaction made even more sense now and might not have been so drastic.

"Well that was less dramatic than I expected." Rossi decided.

"Huh, guess your not the dominant person in this room." Reid teased and the girls looked to Hotch who looked almost alarmed.

"What?" He asked.

"He totally used you to keep this calm." Garcia guessed.

"I did not use anyone. I just happen to be tired from a long day and then dancing." He argued. “Dramatics takes energy of which I have none.”

"Bed, we can tease him in the morning." Rossi ordered. "I have two spare beds and you can see the lounges, I can set up an air mattress for the last person." He offered.

"Is one a double bed?" Reid asked and Rossi nodded looking slightly offended that he would offer less.

"They both are." He shrugged, he had a large family, sometimes they visited and if he kept them in the house they left quicker.

"Then Hotch can take one and two of you can share." He pointed to the ladies.

"Why doesn't Hotch have to share?" JJ asked teasingly petulant.

"Because it's awkward enough sharing a room with another guy and no one wants to deal with morning wood, possible hangover, whatever position you end up in, and their boss within five minutes of getting up." Reid pointed out and the two looked to Garcia who shrugged.

"JJ? But only because she's still all bruised from the last case." Garcia defended her choice.

"Why don't you share with Hotch?" Blake teased.

"I would probably do something we'd both regret. I'm a little more receptive than normal after I intentionally take on everything." Reid smiled sheepishly and Hotch wondered exactly what that meant because Hotch had no sexual attraction to Reid.

 

Everyone changed, thankful that they'd been too lazy to return home and thus had a cleanish pair of everything as Rossi had said. Except Spencer, he borrowed a pair of pants off Rossi and accepted the added offer of a shirt which he didn't bother to button properly, they’d already seen him in less.

Sleep came quickly to the tired team and no amount of potentially sexy Reid could keep them awake. So tired and safe were they that not a one had nightmares or bad dreams. In fact they all slept very well, all bar one dreaming of the same person. The person in question did not dream, safe and happy surrounded by his team.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I wrote this in like two hours and I decided I don't really like Spencer Reid as a stripper, it just feels wrong to me and you can probably get that through my writing but maybe I'm just not seeing it today either. Responses are always welcome, especially if it's positive or helpful.


End file.
